Friday, May 31, 2013

Pregnancy Thoughts: April 2012

Dear baby,
Yesterday I found out you were coming. It wasn’t the most glamorous way to find out.
Id been having some symptoms but they were similar to my usual monthly ones – pains and cramps and cravings. Then I had a dizzy spell and some really weird cravings….it started with prawns and calamari, then fruit loops mixed into ice cream and then the night before last culminating in a huge tantrum in which I cried because I wanted Two Minute Noodles and the shops were shut. Uncle Daniel saved the day with a delivery but I knew then I couldn’t wait to test any longer.
I went to the shop in my lunch break at work, hiding the tests under my jacket in case someone from work was shopping there too and then headed into the toilet to take the test. It came up positive and I was absolutely shocked. I stared dumbly at the test for a few minutes and then ended up sitting on the toilet floor clutching my test, gasping “Oh my God, Oh my God”
Daddy was at work and since I knew he would be really shocked and scared I knew I couldn’t call him. I had to keep my secret all day and when Daddy picked me up I just blurted it out.
He choked out the words “I’m freaking out right now” and then we didn’t speak again for the journey home or for several hours after we got home. It was really emotional and we had a big fight – we were so unprepared and surprised. Daddy went to bed with a migraine and I called my Mum and Dad. Grandma was very supportive, telling me Congratulations and that it would all work out. Grandpa was pleased too – he said “I know it’s not the ideal time but I am excited to be a Grandpa”. Next I called Bec and told her. When we were younger and we got upset we tended to just ‘know’ to call each other and I had wondered while Daddy and I were fighting if that link had ended but I had a message on my phone asking me how I was when I went to call her.  She was really stunned. I started crying and blurted out “I’m pregnant”. I was very scared because I didn’t know what Daddy was going to do – whether he would stick around but Bec talked me through it. She told John too because she can’t keep secrets from him and he was really pleased saying he ‘likes being an Uncle’ and asking if it was a boy or girl – of course it was way too early to tell. I took another test before bed – it was positive too.
The next day at work Grandma and Bec kept messaging me to see if I was alright – I was not. I was a wreck, trying not to burst into tears every two seconds. I asked them to send me home early but they refused. Grandma picked me up from work and we talked things over. I wasn’t sure whether Daddy would be there when I got home but he was and then it was time to talk. I got really emotional and demanded to know what he was thinking and what he was intending to do – I will spare you the specifics of that conversation but it culminated in him telling me that “If we’re going to do this, we will do this together’. When we went to bed we chatted about things like leave from work, what I could and couldn’t eat and he gave me a back rub. I was so much happier and reassured. I knew something could still go wrong. I knew things would not be easy but I also knew that I could handle it because the rewards would be amazing.

I haven’t written in a few days because I’ve been so tired. I’m sick every morning now and Daddy is trying to be really caring and helpful. I fill ill till about 12 and then I can force some lunch down and I’m fine.  Two nights ago we told Shelley you were coming – she was so surprised and excited she went all red and flustered. She’s given me a baby book to read and Stacey is going to send me a couple too. Now I have to book an appointment for an ultrasound and for hospital checkups – should be doing that tomorrow when I’ve talked to daddy about it. Got to go Sprout – Working 10 hour shifts and growing a baby is hard work, so I need to sleep. But I’m happy to do it – I’d do anything for you my little darling. You have changed my life in so many ways already. I love you.

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